H.E.A.R.T

At first, the abuser will say that this behavior happens only because the abuser is concerned for the victim's safety. The abuser will be angry if the victim is "late" coming back from an errand or an appointment. The abuser will question the victim closely about where he/she went, and who he/she spoke to while away.

The abuser comes in like a whirl-wind saying things like: "You're the only person I can talk to;" "I've never felt loved like this by anyone." The abuser needs someone desperately and will pressure the victim to commit.

Your family and friends have warned you about him/her and are concerned for you.

The partner is very dependent on the victim for everything. The abuser will say things like: "If you love me, I am all you need; no one will love you like I love you."

The abuser tries to cut the victim off from all resources and support. The abuser accuses the victim's friends and family of "causing trouble". The abuser might also get jealous of the people in the victim’s life. The abuser does not "allow" the victim to make decisions or have friends.

The abuser may make mistakes and then blame the victim. The abuser will blame the victim for almost anything that goes wrong. The abuser will tell the victim "you made me mad," "I can't help being angry," "you made me do it," "why did you make me hit you?" The abuser blames the teacher if he/she didn't pass the class, blames law enforcement for getting a traffic ticket or blames parents for being told that there are chores to be done. The abuser may also blame his/her friends for his/her mood swings.

The abuser is easily insulted, claims that his/her feelings are "hurt." The abuser takes the slightest remarks as personal attacks. The abuser will "rant and rave" about the injustice of things that have happened to him/her.

This is a person who punishes animals brutally or is insensitive to their pain or suffering. The abuser may tease children until they cry.

In addition to saying things that are meant to be cruel and hurtful, there is an element of degradation, cursing, and breaking down any of his/her failures. The abuser may tell the victim that she/he is stupid.

Gender roles can have a negative impact on people due to the negative stereotypes we place on gender. For instance, men might be stereotyped to be aggressive, in control, and lack emotional connection. If a man doesn’t fall under these stereotypes, he might be ridiculed, abused, or seen as less. Women might be stereotyped to be submissive, emotional, and fragile. If a woman doesn’t fall under these stereotypes, they too may be ridiculed and blamed for the assault if it occurs. People who do not identify as either a man or woman may also face harmful interactions or violence.

The abuser may say that he/she only hit someone in the past because they made him do it. The victim may hear from the relatives or friends that the partner was abusive in past relationships.

This would include any threat of physical force meant to control the victim. "I'll slap you," "I'll kill you," and "I'll break your neck." A batterer will try to excuse his/her behavior by saying "everybody talks like that."

his behavior can be used as a punishment (breaking the victim’s possessions) but it is mostly used to terrorize the victim into submission. The abuser may beat tables with fists, punch the wall behind their partner, or throw objects around or near their partner. These behaviors are done by those who find the need to threaten their partner to exert their power and control over them.

This may involve an abuser holding the victim down, physically retraining him/her from leaving the room, or any pushing or shoving. The abuser may hold a victim against a wall.